my guide to the weekend.

Friday night was my company Christmas party which was obviously an early night led to me going out until after 3 am and successfully crossing 3 bars off of my bars-I’ve-never-patronized list and getting called “fabulous!” by a high school classmate of mine turned local drag queen.

At the Christmas party the greatest thing ever happened. I met a coworker’s new boyfriend.

New Boyfriend: Ooooh. YOU’RE the girl from the parking lot.

Me: What? Huh?

New Boyfriend: Yea. See, I’m a truck driver. And one day we were driving down the street – about 8 of us – and one of the guys came over the CB and said, “Check out the girl in the parking lot!” And I piped them down because I thought it was my girlfriend/your coworker’s daughter. But when I called my girlfriend/your coworker and asked, she said it was probably you.

Me: So, let me get this straight. I got mistaken for a 20-year-old?

New Boyfriend: Yes.


Downtown, drag queen how-do-you-do and it’s-been-so-longs aside, I was standing in Art Bar all: !!!!!!!!!! when I think I got hit on. Some guy came up to me and asked me my name. So, naturally, I said it was Jasmine. He asked me if I was telling the truth and naturally, I said yes and then avoided him for the rest of the night. Except that at one point I heard him call after me and guess what? I’m so good at my fake name I answer to it. Damn right.

After the party, and after the bar hopping, and after I successfully crushed on some guy I’d never met before for a significant portion of the evening, I hopped into Nightcaps and ran into my brother. The good: brother bought me chicken fingers with heaven sent honey mustard and a drink. The bad: brother said if he purchased said additional drink I was relinquishing my car keys for the night.

Saturday, of course, I woke up and was reunited with my wifey for Kristin and Catherine’s Day of Fun!

Clearly Catherine is Janice in this scenario. I would never be caught dead in a solid green pant suit.

Lunch on this day looked like this:

Aside from the bacon grilled cheese with sweet potato fries and feta and pepperoni pizza, lunch was filled with a ridiculous amount of laughter and the partaking of something called an IHOP shot by everyone who wasn’t hungover. Read: everyone but me.

Catherine and I continued on our Day of Fun! to get manis and pedis, courtesy of a birthday present I was given. I, of course, continued in my effort to evoke my hot pink and cobalt blue into my wardrobe by bringing that color to my nails. Hot pink on my tootsies, navy blue on my fingernails.

We are quite the Saturday divas:

After a failed nap I headed out to meet Ashley and Chris for some long overdue catch up time. I wore my button skirt because I was going to a tacky Christmas sweater party afterwards and rather than playing into that theme I wore my favorite skirt. Because that makes absolutely no sense.

A girl at the sweater party asked me if I got my skirt from Anthropologie. When I said yes she informed me that she used to shop there all of the time when she lived near one (wherever that was) and that now she can’t shop there at all because she lives in good ole Columbia. Well, I’ve never lived in the same city as an Anthropologie. But I manage just fine to kill my monthly budget.

Post party and propped up inside my own personal hell, Tin Roof, I decided to become a reindeer. Which one, you might ask? Blitzen. I promptly exited and made my way home as quickly as possible. I had hit my max of time allowed in Tin Roof without wanting to scream. That place was full of too many failed USC quarterbacks and drunk girls pushing their way through the crowd to be of much fun for this girl.

All of this resulted in me spending my Sunday with the following:

1. The Lifetime Movie Network.

2. ABC Family Christmas movies.

3. On the Road by Jack Kerouac.

4. Za’s.

5. Downloading Kindle and the library app on my iPad and iPhone.

6. Family dinner with the roommate’s family.

7. Mark-Paul Gosselaar. (Because he was on ABC Family. And, swoon.) Resulting in me, of course, doing the following:

8. The Sweet Home Alabama season finale. (Season 3 will star Paige Duke. Ahem, it’s like Clemson has their own reality dating show.)

9. My opinions of the Sweet Home Alabama finale:

10. And waking up to a text that said “Dude your tweets have the stinch of damaged goods.” From a guy that had just a few hours earlier asked me on a date.

Needless to say, I think I’ll be washing my hair every night this week.


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