A late night porch sit last night with my common law wife Catherine seemed to temporarily renew a sense of self worth within me. I drove home some time after 11 pm listening to Sara Bareilles and smiling.
I learn more and more every day how life doesn’t always give you the answers you’re asking for. Promises aren’t kept no matter how deeply one person wants to believe they will be and hearts – they will be broken. Even the wild ones. My horoscope in the Sunday paper yesterday was comicly one that mentioned setting free from your past and focusing on the here and now and the days to come. And I’ve been trying to. Lord willing, I have been trying my darndest to not weaken, to press on, to believe in me, no matter how difficult I have always found that to be.
On Saturday I’ll be running my first 5k in quite some time. I actually can’t recall the last time I ran over 3 miles. Certainly not in the past year. Last week I bought new running shoes, joined a second gym so that I could work on my running during my lunch hour and not just after 5, and dropped a dime (or much much more) on a couple of races.
I’ve been reading a lot more about my beloved football lately than I used to, which is saying a lot. I’m loving it this season. I’m more entrenched than I can remember being in the past. I have all of these thoughts and opinions and theories and I keep sending emails to my brothers and my dad about them. It’s hard sometimes as a female not in the sports/athletics industry to be heard, at least in my experience. So I listen. And I read. And I’m okay with that. My family values what I say about sports.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my future. I’ve been thinking about what I want to do and if that does mean me leaving the place I love. I’ve been thinking about what would/will require school and what won’t. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m capable of so that I don’t spend the rest of my life at Central Perk.