I’ve been saying for months now (around 11, to be exact) that I should be a detective. Like, a really stealth one where I dress in black (and sometimes camo) and I wear fun cool hats and I cut the legs off of all my friend’s exes appease my “clientèle.” Pretty much I just learned that that means I’ve been wanting to be Veronica Mars and I never even knew it but what I’m sayin’ is, I’d be good at it. And I think if you polled my friends by hand raising or beer toasting they’d all agree I wouldn’t just be good, I’d be really good at it. Not to toot my own horn or anything.
Lately I’ve been realizing that most everything I think or do or want to be draws some parallel to a pop culture reference.
1. This morning I spent a solid 10 minutes trying to decide and configure if it is logistically possible to chronicle all articles of my clothing, along with all the articles of one of my best friend’s closets, and compile those into a database, Cher and Dionne style, so that we can help each other with outfit choices.
2. Upon the realization today that the air conditioning in my car (among other things) might be donezo, I contemplated calling my dad for a $1000 loan and in doing so, reassuring him that the money is not for my friend (and dancing instructor) Penny’s late night abortion.
3. In considering hair options for my upcoming appointment I’ve taken my considerations to: Rory from the latter Gilmore Girls days, Taza of Rockstar Diaries, Zooey Deschanel of pretty much everything, Kendi from Kendi Everyday, Jennifer Aniston post-“Rachel”, Emily from Cupcakes and Cashmere, and many many more.
4. I’ve rationalized plural marriages soley based off of my love and affection and pure obsession with Bill Paxton’s character in Big Love. (I’m not even going to talk about how I feel about vampires or pirates.)
5. I may or may not have tried to dress like Kristen Bell’s character in When in Rome once (or twice) (a week) (like today).
6. Every time I walk into my bedroom I think of the ways I could rearrange it to be more like Carrie Bradshaw’s in Sex and the City, the television show. I’m somehow always amazed with her ability to control her literature collection with such subtlety, whilst mine seems to overflow from my bookshelves.
7. I know Blake Lively doesn’t have a stylist. But I really really want the same one. And I mean, Gossip Girl outfits be damned and all. And while we’re at it, can I have her name? And – OMG – her boyfriend?
8. The other day someone told me they had learned, while watching a Today Show segment, that Kashi bars are not as good for you as I had dared think they were. Um, Carrie Underwood is the only reason I eat them. They don’t seem to be doing her poorly.
9. When I learned of ‘weed dating‘ this morning my initial thought, second to being told that I should seek out ‘wood dating’ so that I might find the lumberjack of my dreams, was – sigh – Ryan Reynolds in a plaid shirt.
10. I want a love like this. And like Johnny and June. And Oliver and Jenny in Love Story. And Trixie and Jacob in God-Shaped Hole by Tiffanie Debartolo where all you want to do is drink the other person up. And Deborah Kerr and Cary Grant in An Affair to Remember when – OMG – the ending – OMG.
I need to lay off the pop culture, thankyouverymuch Netflix.